Navigating the new is hard. A new job, new relationship, new diagnosis, new baby, new city, new routine, new diet, new school, new year. New is not easy. While jetting off to something or somewhere new may be invigorating and exciting, new boards the plane with a carry-on of nervousness and worry. At least, that’s how it happens for me. Moving into the new typically requires a release of the old, present, known, or comfortable. Anxiety creeps in, and self-doubt questions, “Are you sure about this?”
This pattern of hope followed by fear is one of familiarity and frustration. Why can’t I just be excited, joyful, and enjoy the new? Is it a lack of confidence, a feeling of being unprepared or perhaps, underqualified? All of the above? Or is it simply that the new is what challenges us to grow? After all, growing pains are painful.
Four years ago, I was promoted into a supervisory role at my job. I had worked hard to earn the position, applying several times before finally being offered the role. I was excited! I knew I was capable and ready for the new challenge.
However, a few weeks in, I began having severe pain in my jaw. Thinking that I might have a wisdom tooth erupting, I went to the dentist to get it checked out. I explained to the dentist the pain I was experiencing, and he took a few x-rays.
He returned to the exam room, and asked, “Do you grind your teeth?”
“No, not that I’m aware of.”
He pulls up the images of my mouth to show me that not only is there no erupting tooth, there is no wisdom tooth at all in the location of my pain.
He probes further, “Have you been under any new or added stress that may have caused you to clench your jaw or grind your teeth.”
“Well, I did start a new position at work and it has been a bit stressful,” I admit.
He proceeds to tell me that I was likely clenching and grinding without realizing it, and I should try to pay attention to see if I notice myself doing so. He also pointed out that I had managed to wiggle one of my molars loose.
I was so embarrassed. I had caused this pain myself. The new role had come with a pretty big learning curve. My immediate supervisor was on maternity leave at the time. I had support from other department leaders and fellow supervisors, but there was no formal training. Everything was “learn as you go,” all the while having a team full of questions for which I didn’t have the answers. My anxiety was through the roof. I feared that leadership would question their decision and think I was not qualified for the job. I had a few staff on my team who had a longer tenure at the company and I felt intimidated by their experience and knowledge. Inevitably, my anxiety manifested as jaw clenching, teeth grinding, and physical pain.
Each time I am presented with a new opportunity, I find that I must allow God to help me navigate the new. My own abilities will only carry me so far, inevitably leaving me lost or off course. With God steering the ship, I am certain to weather the choppy waters and sea sickness successfully. After all, God gives new mercies each morning.
The new supervisor role was hard. Yet, through the new, I grew professionally, gained more knowledge, skills, and confidence. So much so that I will move into a new director position tomorrow!
Even now, I find myself in that same state of overwhelm, questioning my worthiness, and fearing I will somehow mess up and disappoint my boss. My new position is actually a newly created position, so not only will I be embarking on another rollercoaster ride of a learning curve, but I will be involved in the development of the department and many projects to come. This new comes with a lot of pressure.
As I begin this new year, I will add a new title, new job role, and new routine and schedule. I have many hopes and expectations for the new that lies ahead. I’m handing God the compass and allowing Him to direct each new step.
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