In the Twitching of an Eye

 In the Twitching of an Eye

Have you ever just felt off?  You’re cruising along in your day-to-day life, and everything appears to be status quo.  No major roadblocks or bumpy terrain to be seen.  Yet, you can’t sleep at night or you have had the same migraine for days or your GI system is on the fritz.  You don’t “feel” sick, but your body seems to have it out for you.  Your mind says all is well, while your body is screaming “Mayday!”  Our bodies have a way of communicating when we cannot or will not allow our minds to speak.

Recently, I transitioned into a brand new role at work.  The department is so new, it’s still in diapers, and my position is a three-week old infant.  There is much to learn and even more to do.  I spend most of my work days staring at a computer screen reviewing and editing policies, reading contracts and emails, and speedily typing to put ideas and edits to the pages before me.  I know it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I love it!   

Shortly into week two, I began to feel a slight twinge at the corner of my left eye.  It quickly vanished, and I went about my work.  As the day went on, and I glared more intently at the screen of my laptop, it repeated and continued to do so intermittently.  

I pulled out my phone and asked, “Hey, Google!  Why is my eye twitching?”  My trusty friend provided me with a list of possible causes such as eye strain, fatigue, alcohol or caffeine consumption, or stress.  

“Okay,” I thought, “I’m probably just overly tired since I didn’t sleep well last night.”   So, I made it a point to push back my bedtime (which is a difficult feat for this night owl), but the twitch returned the following day.  

“Maybe my eyesight is catching up with my age,” I pondered.  After all, my birthday was looming.  I threw on my blue light glasses hoping to reduce the strain on my eyes.   Still twitching.

I don’t really drink alcohol often, and I haven’t had any recently.  

We’ll just ignore that caffeine thing, because let’s be honest, coffee is life, and I’m not cutting that out.

Could it be stress?  I feel like I have a handle on my stress level, even with the new job and responsibilities.  I’m very organized, and so far I’m keeping up, even if it is a challenge.  As the twitch alternated from left eye to right eye, back, and so on, I took a moment to take stock of the past few months.  In that timespan, my husband cut his thumb on a table saw and had surgery (he’s all healed up now), my son got COVID, then my husband got COVID, the holidays happened in the midst of quarantining, my husband was off work for two months due to his injury and illness, and then I started a new job.  Surely, stress isn’t the culprit!  (insert sarcasm)

The week of my eye twitch was the most “normal” my family had experienced in months.  Rob has semi-returned to work, we are all healthy (knock on wood), and I’m enjoying my new position.  So, how could this eye twitch be a result of stress?  

Well, when you blatantly and purposefully ignore stress in the moment because you are in survival mode, once you get past the danger, your body unleashes the physical manifestations of that delayed response.  

By not allowing myself the space to process the disappointments and difficulties during our rough patch, my body held onto the stress.  

Not only that, but due to my PTSD, all the chaos and uncertainty I faced recently had triggered me.  My beautiful and resilient brain protected itself by going into survival mode when it perceived danger.  Now that the danger has passed, my brain has awakened and my body is reaping the harvest of the stress dump.

I probably do need to get my eyes checked and establish better sleep hygiene, but my gut says stress was the root of my obnoxious eye twitching.  A day after writing this, the twitch disappeared and has not returned.  While short-lived, the eye twitch was a welcome reminder to give myself grace in the unknown and difficult seasons, and when possible, to give myself the space to process my emotions.  

The message to slow down, reflect, and process came to me in the twitching of an eye.  

What message is your body trying to tell you?