Have you ever
wanted something so badly it hurt? I
mean, longing for something so deeply that your heart physically hurt?
I certainly have. In
fact, I still do. I’m confident that you
have, as well. It’s human nature for us
to desire and want. It is often what
motivates us, pushing us to take the steps we think are necessary to get to
that thing or place in our lives.
However, if our heart’s desire is out of line with God’s will for our
lives, we can find ourselves spinning in circles with a deep ache in our
hearts.
My childhood dream was to be a singer. I wanted it more than anything. So, to follow my dream, I ended up in college
pursuing a music performance (vocal) degree.
Halfway through college, I felt that I wouldn’t “make it” as a career
musician and realized how impractical my dream was. At that point, my heart’s desire changed to
wanting to be a nurse. The drive and the
desire to become a nurse was intense.
So, despite the many obstacles thrown in my way, I passionately pursued
a nursing degree. In the end, I
completed my music degree and was unable to finish my nursing program to obtain
my nursing degree.
Neither of my “dream” careers came to fruition. I had to let go of my heart’s desire for both,
and that was a difficult task. While I
made the conscious decision not to pursue music professionally after college, my
heart’s desire didn’t just go away.
Likewise, when life’s circumstances pushed me to make the difficult decision
to withdraw from nursing school, I still desperately wanted to be a nurse.
So, what was I to do
with this hurt, this loss, this disappointment?
How could I move forward with the next move if I was still clinging to my
shattered dreams? I did what anyone does
when faced with a loss.
I grieved.
I grieved for the debt I had incurred while
pursuing a degree left unfinished. I
grieved the fact that I felt too insufficient as a singer to pursue music professionally. I grieved the loss of any hope that I would
ever become a nurse. I grieved for the moments
I lost with my son while I was busy working, studying, or attending classes
that I would never get back. I was angry
with God for allowing me to go through four years of college to end with a degree
that I would not use. I was angry at Him
for failing to make a way for me to sail on through nursing school.
I couldn’t understand why I would have this
strong, intense desire, but not be given the opportunity to make it reality.
I was not walking with God when these dreams went belly
up. I was just beginning to reengage in
a relationship with Him when I was going through the decision of leaving
nursing school. So, at the time, my selfishly
angry thoughts could not be reconciled with the truth of His promises for me.
God’s word tells us,
His thoughts are not our thoughts, for His thoughts are higher than ours
(Isaiah 55:8-9). So, we must have
faith. Faith doesn’t always come
easily. It can feel impossible at times
for a control freak like myself. Faith
is having confidence in what we hope for and trusting what we cannot see
(Hebrews 11:1).
Trust and control are like oil and water; they don’t mix. This was my struggle. All along the way, I wanted the control. I had plans for my life.
I knew MY PLANS for my life, but I refused to trust GOD’S PLANS for my life.
I’m sure I could
have saved myself a lot of grief and pain had I just trusted Him. I should have fully surrender to HIS plan,
even when it hurt and even when I could not see what He was doing.
Had I
surrendered my will to His will, he would have aligned my heart with His, and
in that, my heart’s desires would have aligned with His plans for my life.
When your heart is aligned with God’s heart, He will give you new
desires, and He will be faithful to fulfill them.
How perfectly fitting that Jeremiah 29:11 is my life
verse! It is written on my heart, so
that I may always remember to surrender to HIS plans over MY plans.
Reference
scripture and see if your desires line up with God’s promises. If the pursuit of your desires is harmful to
you, it is not what God has planned for your life. For example, if you are chasing after a
relationship that is toxic or harmful to you (such as an extramarital affair or
abusive relationship).
Consider the
obstacles placed before you. Like in
my story, I kept chasing after my dream, despite the many, many hurdles I
encountered. While God still used my sin
(rebellion, reliance on self) for good in my present (because He works all
things for good – Romans 8:28), my stubbornness kept me from realizing that I
was not on the path He had set for me.
I encourage you to
wrestle with your heart’s desires and ask God if they align with His plan for
your life. Here are some practical
applications.
- Ask God to reveal to you any desires that may not align with His will. If you are seeking His face in prayer, reading His word, and listening for His reply, He is faithful to answer.
- If you find that that your heart’s desire does not align with God’s will, ask Him for forgiveness for getting in His way.
- Surrender to His will. Give him the thing that you hold so tightly and passionately pursue. Instead, passionately pursue Him and His heart.
- Ask Him to replace that desire with what aligns with His plans for your life.
- Grieve. It is ok, and I recommend, that you grieve any loss you feel as you let go of any misaligned plans, desires, or dreams.
- Ask God to show His mercy and provide His comfort.
- Always give Him thanks, for He is so faithful and good!
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