Restless Heart

If I'm being honest, this social distancing thing has been taking a toll on me. I’ve been in my house with my 12 (soon to be 13) year old son 24/7 for the past 7 days, while attempting to work and deal with the chaos of constant updates and changes related to COVID-19.  And when it is time to switch from worker to mom and wife, I am exhausted.  Dinner still has to be made, dishes washed, laundry washed, and so on. 

As a result of all this change, I'm not sleeping well. Being a night owl by nature, I tend to go to bed around 11pm or midnight.  However, this week has lent itself to 2am, 3am, or even 4am bedtimes, often with restless sleep.  I find myself more irritable and less patient.  Being an introvert, I don’t mind being at home.  However, I crave alone time, which is difficult to find when your family is stuck in the house with you. 

When I become like this, it is usually because I am feeling out of control.  I’m never truly in control to begin with, but Satan likes to make me think I am.  So, when I feel like my control is lost, un-voluntarily, I become irritable.

I don’t have control over what is going on with the corona virus, nor the fact that I have to practice social distancing.  I can’t control the emotions, attitudes, or reactions of my family, as we all deal with this situation.  And if I don’t have control, what can I do?  Surrender.

When I voluntarily give up my pseudo control to God, He brings me peace.  When I pray and ask Him to take these burdens, He does.  When I give Him total access to my heart, He mends it and makes it more like His.  When I am obedient to the Holy Spirit’s prompting, he uses the gifts and talents with which He has already blessed me. 

The sermon today from Pastor Brandon Rood (Shelbyville Community Church) was on the subject of Joyful Service.  You can watch the sermon here: 
Shelbyville Community Church - This Is Us Series - Joyful Service - Pastor Brandon Rood

Service is one of the values of our church.  We all have time, talents, and treasures, and God calls to service in each of them.  We are called to give of our time, to God and in service to others (Psalm 90:2, Ephesians 5:15-17). We are called to use our talents (I Peter 4:10-11).  We are called to tithe and to give to others in need (1 Corinthians 16:1-2, Hebrews 7:1-2). 

What really struck me from the message is how easily we get our God-given talents twisted and use them in prideful ways through comparing ourselves horizontally with others.  Our insecurity gives birth to pride when we operate in this manner.  However, if we take on an attitude of humility, allowing God to work through our talents, it produces confidence.  We must remember we are not the owner of our time, talent, and treasures, rather we are called to steward them. 

Pastor Brandon said something that really hit home for me, “If you refuse to use your talents to serve God, you are dishonoring God.”  Just like if a child refuses to do a task that her father asked of her, she is dishonoring her father in her disobedience.  I struggle with this pretty hardcore.  I have insecurity when it comes to the talents God has gifted me, so I tend to withhold sharing them.  I may feel the Holy Spirit prompt me to share my writing or use my voice to sing, but that insecurity gets the best of me.  What if I’m not good enough?  What if others make fun of me?  What if I make a fool of myself?

God doesn’t need my “what if’s”.  He needs my obedience. He needs me to use my talents for an audience of one, for Him and Him alone.  What happens after I share my talents, treasures, or time through obedience is not my burden to bear.  If someone chooses to misuse or refuse what I give freely, that is between him and God.  My reputation or my image should not matter, if I am living a life that is pleasing to Him.  And here is the kicker, “Joy is found in releasing control.”

So, after restlessly attempting to nap today to make up for the limited sleep last night, I woke up with a literal song on my heart.  In obedience, I began writing down lyrics for the melody in my head.  Unfortunately, I don’t play an instrument, so song writing isn’t a fully developed talent, but perhaps some day it will be.  I’m sharing my song below.  May it be an encouragement to you! 

Restless Heart

-Verse 1-

Restless heart, won’t you sit with me a while?

Lay your heavy burdens down.

I won’t let you drown.

-Verse 2-

Anxious heart, won’t you let your worries go?

Take my yoke for it is light.

You no longer have to fight.

-Chorus-

I will carry you

Through the fear and through the dread.

Just lay down your weary head.

I will carry you

You can trust me through it all.

I will never let you fall.

I will carry you

-Verse 3-

Stubborn heart, won’t you take your armor off?

Surrender to my will.

You need only to be still.

-Verse 4-

Wounded heart, won’t you come to me now?

Trust me in your deepest pain.

I will make you whole again.

Repeat Chorus

-Bridge-

In every circumstance, in every pain.

Through every obstacle, I will remain.

In every dark night you travel through,

Won’t you let me carry you?

Repeat Chorus